Saturday

Almost a month since I have posted?? 

Life has been busy, and yet I don't have a whole lot to say.  We seem to spend each week ticking the days off, with David busy with his studies, me back at work, and trying to juggle the kids activities in between, it is easy to see the pages of the calendar flipping over. 

I was looking forward to going back to work - being among more adult conversations.  But at the same time, I am aware it is the beginning of days away from the kids.  Especially Maggie.  But she seems happy to see me when I get home from work, and is full of smiles and cuddles.  David is doing a great job as stay at home dad.

This month we finally had Maggie dedicated at church.  At 10 months old.  I was mindful of the statement we were making in doing so, and in my ever present mother guilt I also thought about the same commitment I made for Nicholas and Audrey.

Maggie had a gorgeous Collette Dinnegan dress to wear, and Audrey wore Leona Edmiston.  :)  very fashionable pair!

I have decided I want to spend the year reading novels by Australian authors.  Well, what remains of the year!

I have just started Alex Miller's Prochownik's Dream. I am also reading Fictional Woman by Tara Moss.

Also on the list is Journey to the Stone Country, also by Alex Miller, Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks (shamefully, this has been on my list for a number of years).  Burial Rites by Hannah Kent, Death of a River Guide by Richard Flannagan. and Eyrie by Tim Winton..

So many books to read.  Never the time!  We'll see where I get to.

Monday

I am making time amongst the chaos of home life to read.  I have started two novels this year and not managed the enthusiasm to fight tiredness and actually get them read.  I was very impressed with Tara Moss on Q&A the other night so bought her book and immediately jumped in.  While I am still only managing to grab a page here or a paragraph there, I am enjoying it very much.  Particularly, I think, as I prepare to, once again, turn our shifting rhythm of life and return to work.  I remind myself as the familiar gnawing begins, I have done this before.  Walking the tight rope of looking forward to getting my head into another space, and feeling sick in the stomach at the thought of being away from my baby for hours on end.

 

I am still breastfeeding Maggie and she still sleeps beside me at night, although last night only from 2am, so is getting better at staying in her cot (I missed her little body beside me).  The thought of someone else doing what until now only I have done could upset me if I let it, but the fact that the next few months will be special time for her with David eases the anxiety.  I look forward to seeing them develop their own routines and the way of doing things. 

How time marches on at its own pace.  Nicholas is growing up- nearly 9.  So true that you blink and they are big.  He scored his first goal and point at AusKick last week (I know nothing about AFL!) and we are so proud of him, but more importantly, for my painfully shy (hard to imagine, but true) boy, it is a delight to see him enjoying the things he does, including piano.

 

And Audrey, who I missed and wanted to hold and hug this morning, when I returned from the school drop off to find she had made her bed, folded her pyjamas and placed her teddy carefully on her bed - all without being asked.  She is growing up and I am sad when I think how much of her toddler years seem a blur as the focus was on her big brother while he started preschool and we had so many "first time" experiences.  But love having our "grownup" girl time together. Always a coffee/hot chocolate and a magazine :)

 

Wednesday

This week I received a letter from John.  I had sent a condolence card only a couple of days earlier, so he must have sat down immediately to respond.  Such and old school thing to do.  (note to myself regarding correspondence)

He thanked me for my card, reiterated the words I had written about Elise and spoke of his sadness in not being able to care for her at home, when she went into a nursing home two and a half years earlier.

He finished his letter with the following words:

"I do hope you are prospering in your married life.  I can say that it is the true, maybe not the only, path to happiness, but such a lot depends on the mutual interests, and the love and respect you have for your partner.  We were very lucky in that respect."

I am grateful for those wise words, from an old man, reflecting on the love of his life.

Saturday

'Tis the Season... yesterday was cross country and this morning the beginning of football season....

 

And mother guilt is alive and well.  I can only be in one place at a time, and Audrey was running at 12:15.  Nicholas ran earlier in the day and I really needed to get home after school drop off so Maggie could have a sleep before going back to see Audrey run.

 

Nicholas said when he came around the corner on his run, he couldn't see me.  He told his friend, Brendan, "I don't think my mum saw me".  Brendan said "mine didn't".  His mum is a single mum and had to work.  I got to stay for Nicholas' piano lesson though and then signed both kids out for an early mark.  Home, a movie and chips.  :)

 

 

Tuesday

I am home, with the worst head cold/flu I can remember.  Maggie has been having a long sleep, which of course would have been the perfect opportunity to go to bed myself.  It is what my body told me to do.  Instead I was able to tidy up, make beds, pick things up from various rooms and put them where they belong.  I have made dinner for tonight and chocolate chip biscuits for after school(having some dough in the freezer has really been a bonus.)  I feel productive anyway. And so now I can write.

This morning saw Audrey defiantly stay a good distance behind me walking to school.  She didn't want to go.  "But school takes a long time..."

I looked behind to make sure she was close enough and able to cross the roads safely.  As we approached the school she ran to me and hugged me from behind.  She gave me a flower she had picked and cried that she didn't want me to leave.  So begins the term.

Admittedly, I wasn't keen for school to commence.  Even in spite of the occasional sibling squabble, it was nice just to make our way out of the house at leisure.  Or not if we chose.  Unusually for us we had a few things during the holidays.  We saw movies, went to Monkey Mania, the new trampoline park, play dates with friends, bowling and my favourites, Tidbinbilla Nature Reserve and also driving the Pajero over the Brindabella Mountains to visit my cousin in Tumut. 

At my cousins I saw a framed quote.  "Take note of the little things, because one day you will realise they were the big things".  This spoke so clearly to me.

 

My mind is spinning with the things I'd like to sew... I am conscious that in only a matter of weeks I will be back at work, and initially at 4 days per week, I imagine my time for anything of my own pleasure will be less than it is now.

I am inspired to sew so many things.  I think I need to make "the list".   A priority is Audrey's swimming bag.  I want to make Nicholas a quilt.  Something that is his, made by me, that always reminds him I love him.  I can't believe he will be nine this year.  Time marches on.  In my minds eye he is this little boy. 

I am proud of him. 

For Maggie, a little pillow for her cot.  Should she ever choose to sleep in it... and some clothes.

And I have finally joined the masses who seem to be watching this.  My former Director sent me an email the other day and said she thinks I'll love it.  Season 1 is on its way.  Looks like the perfect winter, stay inside viewing.

Tuesday

I have been enjoying a little bit of sewing... I love my new machine.  It is so lovely to use - quiet and smooth.  The other day we were going out for both lunch and dinner, so after breakfast I whipped up a cute little drawstring bag so we could easily carry half a dozen small toys for Maggie, along with her play mat I made her for Christmas last year.

Last night I made Nicholas a tote bag for his piano books.  He chose the fabric from my stash, and I was glad he selected some I had bought when he was a toddler.

I saw a photograph on instagram of a family having a picnic, with bunting hanging in the trees above them.  I decided that's what we needed to add to our picnic supplies, so made one after morning tea this morning.  I took a French General charm pack from the fabric cupboard.  I was going to do triangles, but thought it wouldn't leave much fabric for the bunting, so thought maybe I'd just round the bottom corners.  Then I wondered why I'd make more work for myself, so just used the charm pack squares, joining two back to back before sewing it together with bias binding.

Wednesday

Mentors.  We look back and see people that have crossed our paths and truly made a difference.  By chance the other day I found out that a friend from long ago had passed away.  Elise was already in her 70's when I met her during my first year at university. 
I joined Amnesty International, and with an interest in the former Soviet Union I joined the newly formed Russia Co-group.  Our focus was the abolition of the death penalty in Russia.  We were an effective group, the contact for letter writers around Australia and translating letters received from parliamentarians and prisoners alike from Russia.  I travelled to Amsterdam to represent Australia and share our materials and work.
Elise, and her husband John, were great friends with an active interest in politics, art and music.  They had a beautiful home with a large library.  I house sat for them often in my 20's. I will forever be grateful that I knew her and that she demonstrated the importance of caring, and wanting to make a difference, no matter how small and showed me the joys of remaining mentally active in older years!

Sometimes it takes the passing of someone for us to look back at moments in the our life and see how we have grown. 

* * * * * * *

Lately I have managed to steal a few moments to sew (I love my new machine).  Simple things, but sewing nevertheless.  Of course this means that my beautiful machine is a semi-permanent fixture on our dining room table for when the quiet moments present themselves.  It shares the space with a number of textbooks and piles of assorted papers, pens and pencils, as the dining table also doubles as David's desk during the university semester.

I am waiting on an adorable Japanese sewing book that I saw last week to arrive.  My heart literally began to beat faster when I saw the clothes inside.  They are exactly what I would love to dress my girls in.  Children's clothing stores, like ladies fashion, only sell what we are told is fashionable for that season, not lovely timeless pieces.  So I intend to put my sewing (and my Japanese) to the test and work my way though the book when it arrives.  Lucky for me I have found a blogger who assists with pattern translations and common terms.  And there is Audrey's Japanese teacher or my colleagues' Japanese wife to fall back on if I am really stuck.  :)

Maggie is asleep and I have been madly rushing around and taking the next little while to unpack and repack the dishwasher, make the beds and put clothes away.  But pausing for a moment at the computer it is perfect rainy weather to sit, looking out the window behind the computer and put a few thoughts down... music quietly in the background.  Then to make a cup of coffee and tackle the ironing...



David and I have been talking lately about the benefits (for all of us) in having less screen time.  Television, computers, iPads, iPhones.  It is something we want to try for term time - when school is on, we limit, at least Monday-Friday, our time on screens.

After our discussion I read this article.  I like the sound of "unplugged" but now with winter around the corner, calling for hot chocolates and heat packs, I really want a microwave!  Ours finally died about a month ago and now that Maggie has started solids remembering to defrost her pureed food at times is frustrating.  ;)

ps: I am SO glad it is the last day of term tomorrow.  Truth be told, if it wasn't for their schooling-conscious dad, my kids would have already been on holidays.