Monday

 

I watch Maggie.  I want to remember everything.  

For a while now she has insisted on being the one to say grace before our meals.  Initially it was “Jesus name, Amen!”.  Now other words pepper her prayer.  Food, Nan, toys, pop and gran.  

At night she insists on a story.  Although I know it is a delaying tactic, I never say no to reading her a story.  A love for reading is something I have actively tried to instil in each of my kids, and I value the opportunity to read through old favourites again, being able to see the joy captured in another child.

Maggie hugs her favourite doll, saying “shhhh” and rocking her.  Then she brings her to me and asks me to look after the doll (named Petal) as she has to go to work.  She puts a bag on her shoulder and blows a kiss, saying “luff you” as she walks away. I don’t know whether I find this endearing, or whether it makes me a little sad that it is routine for her.  

She picks up anything and pretends to talk on the phone, having very considered conversations, saying “uh huh” and nodding and pausing for periods as she “listens” to the voice on the other end.

I watch her and I want to bathe in the moment.  I look at Nicholas and Audrey and I see how quickly time goes.

Thursday

While we were away I cam across what I thought was a 1960's booklet on parenting called A Guide to Natural Living for Parents and Children.  It turns out it was published in 1980.  One chapter in particular spoke loudly to me.  It resonated somewhere deep within.  It was called Harmonious Family Living.

As I was reading it I was thinking how much of what I read was EXACTLY my philosohpy for parenting.  Then I realised it was actually how I was raised myself!  I find so many of the things that surround parenting (and mothering in particular) are commercial and materialistic.  rather than inspire and encourage women they condemn and judge.  Often with the aim of making you buy the latest gadget or join the latest bandwagon.  I am at a place in life where I feel the need to strip everything back to the basics.  Getting back to the fundamental things that are the most important.

This post would be l-o-n-g if I listed all thirty of the points in the chapter I read.  I wrote them all out.  Then typed them into a document.

The author (Sister Joyce Lubke) states:

"Following is a list of gifts you can both give your children which will cost you some of your time but are otherwise free."

Here are the first half dozen or so.  I'm happy to email the list to anyone who is interested in the rest of them...

1. Comprehension: Listen to your children’s point of view and try to understand it.  Teach them to listen to and understand your view of things.

2. Love and Affection: Children need to know that you love them and to be told so.

3. Knowledge: The only way children can learn is to ask questions.  Answer them truthfully and if you do not know the answer, tell them you will find out, and do this by referring to books and other people.  Visit places of interest and encourage reading and visits to libraries.

4. Training: Teach them how to behave – set the example yourselves and encourage them to follow suit.  Educate, instruct and discipline your child.

5. Kindness: Show them kindness and teach them to be kind.  Let them do things for others.

6. Confidence: Teach them to be confident, let them try to do things without your help and only give it if it is needed.  Praise achievement and encourage them in things they want to achieve.

7. Tidiness: When small, have a box or shelves for their toys and show the children where to put them.  As they get older let them help you to keep their rooms tidy and put away their clothes, and help to keep the house the same.

Other areas touched on are imagination, justice and creativity.

a day with children

These pictures belie the morning we had just had.  A visit to the library where I envisaged a little time of stories together, in a corner.  Selecting a few library books to start the holidays with... but within minutes of being there one child teased another, who reacted with anger and then it was all let loose from there on - running up isles of books chasing each other, yelling, crying... these children??  No, never! 

We promptly left and then walking home they were the best of friends again.  Go figure!

rollercoasters

I have changed my blog settings so I can see the whole frame in youtube clips. Perhaps I worry too much. I just like everything in its place.
The past week was a rollercoaster ride. When I thought I was despairing of any hope, I read this post. I am surprised the way Ann often posts something that speaks right to where I am in my life. Without all the horrible details of the cranky mum I have been, I stop to think about how much what I am feeling shows on my face in the day. How much my frustration can easily escape my lips. Again i endeavour to do better, be better. i'll am grateful for her post as it enabled me to step back and take a moment to breathe. Even today, when i check, she continues to speak my heart here.
In the days when things were less rocky I escaped a little with Jane Eyre - a 2006 adaptation that mum lent me. As I discovered earlier this year with Wuthering Heights, finally there is an adaptation worthy. Because youtube can now be seen properly, here is the end scene.



I am now under pressure to finish the book before Bronte-along begins Wuthering Heights, which will be fun as it is a book that made a big impression on me. Mum has spoilt me over the past couple of weeks with the Orsen Wells adaptation of Jane Eyre, and the Shop Around the Corner (the movie 'You've Got Mail' was based on) so I have enjoyed 1930's-40's cinema. :)
Tonight I am going to be productive and get my ironing done, while listening to the last hour of an audio book. Then I am ready to start a new week, fresh of mistakes.

details...

a couple of days ago i posted a little about how i have been feeling the past couple of weeks. i go through cycles of high and low like a lot of people. the lows are manageable, and usually bought on by our ridiculously hectic lifestyle and my aching for a simpler one. and probably by the ridiculously high expectations i have set myself of motherhood!

anyway, this morning i read this post, and that seems to be exactly where i am at -it seems now more than ever. i like this blog - often what Ann says resonates somewhere in my heart with my day to day life. "I remember it again: In the midst of the ugly, there's always a window through to the joy beauty." i need to look through the window. to remember that "our Creator God passionately wraps each moment different but He's actually the most predictable of gift givers. God gives only one kind of gift: All is for joy."

i got to do a bit of soul searching in the quiet hours of the evenings while David was away fishing. and after having such a lovely birthday, feeling utterly spoilt, David came home with my favourite bread from a cafe in Mogo. it is filled with fruit: figs, apricots... it is divine. AND he saw a patchwork shop in Moruya and bought me another metre of fabric. i am so impressed that he knows the name of the line of fabric i like! i am sure his fishing companion was less than impressed to be going into a fabric store but that's my husband, he takes note of details, and he remembers.

Nicholas seems quite content lying on the lounge watching ABC. i’m sure it won’t last for 5 weeks though! he just had an ice block, and his hands are cold, so he said “maybe we could have a cup of tea and that would warm them up!”

yes, Audrey is with Dave’s mum, so having one child gone and another confined to the lounge gives me time for a cup of tea and surfing the net!
a woman i work with went home and has lent Nicholas and i a bag full of wonderful children's books. i love books!

i plan to finish the stitching on the quilt i have been making today, and then will have to get the wadding and backing and i can start the hand quilting process!! today i will also dig the zucchini out of the garden. we only have days left to get the cabbage, broccoli and spinach in! a modest winter vegetable garden. so, as Nicholas says when we have come up with a plan, "let's get cracking!"

---------------

thanks to everyone for their prayers and well wishes for Nicholas - last night i went to bed a little sad that i am not going to hear his feet running down the hallway at 3am, climbing into my bed and wrapping his arms around my neck, saying "i love you mama!" in 5 weeks he may learn to sleep all night in his own bed... :(

post in 3 parts - motherhood + milestones

today Nicholas and i went to his preschool to collect his enrolment pack. he met his teacher and she took him to see his classroom. i am really excited about his starting preschool next year. i was especially excited to read "Library day is: Tuesday. Your child will need a cloth library bag."
i already know which fabric i will use to make it. (very fuzzy pic) his preschool is lovely - such a big yard with lots of equipment and trees. and his teacher was immediately welcoming and friendly. i wonder at which point i will cry. i know i will definately be a "first day at school crying parent..."
and today was momentous. Nicholas finally put his face in the water at his swimming lesson. lots of high 5's from his teachers. :)

my parenting philosophy III

actually that's silly 'cause really these are just things i like - but it sounds more formal this way...
i LOVE wooden toys. not because it is popular or fashionable - i just really like how they look and feel.
a couple of things i think are gorgeous:


and my kids enjoy them.

i wonder if i had so much fun with toys when i actually was a kid?!

my parenting philosophy II

read, read, read. here is a nice blog about children's books.
listen to good music together.
be aware of what your kids are watching.
use paper, glue and scissors.
tell them you love them everyday.
kiss them always. (especially when they are teenagers!)
and always pray together.

a child's prayer

after the story, after milk, i say prayers with N at bedtime. lately he has been praying for things spontaneously, without prompting. last night amazed me as he asked Jesus for specific things. it was interesting to see what was on his mind. knowing he had swimming lessons the next morning, he prayed this, all by himself:

"dear Jesus, please let my teacher not put my head under the water.

dear Jesus, please let me not go in the deep end.

dear Jesus, thank you for sitting on the wall."

we don't like to push him to hard, and his teacher is more concerned about him retaining some confidence than about pushing him. so today i will speak to her, and ask that she doesn't push his head under the water, and that he can sit on the wall in the deep end, rather than jumping in.

then we can have a play in the "little pool" where he is happy.

sometimes i think slow and gentle is better.

my parenting philosophy - part I

A is one. i can’t believe it. this is it for me - no more baby. but i have two beautiful kids who continue to grow, learn, amaze me and exhaust me. and I wouldn’t change it. for a couple of months ago i have wanted to write down my thoughts on being a mum. i thought of writing a long essay on what i think, but instead have decided just to write down the things that when i read them, see them or think them, just feel right...

The godly walk with integrity. Blessed are their children who follow them.

Proverbs 20:7

* * *

i once saw a list on a blog on "things to remember when i'm a mum". i liked these ones so made them my own:

01. read to them and let them read to me. even if it takes forever.
02. paintbrushes and a bucket of water on a sunny sidewalk creates instant and harmless masterpieces.
03. don't try to do too many things at once. be present in the moments. don't rush the doing.
04. carry snacks.
05. let them make decisions. (but not every decision. remember who's in
charge.)
06. make a journal, documenting things they say. it's too easy to forget.
07. take pictures. not just when they are dolled up on sunday mornings but even on the days when they dump rice krispies all over the sofa.
08. eat around the table together more often than not.
09. praise them. say sweet things about them on the phone when they're still in the room.
10. make family traditions. even simple ones like kissing them before they get on the bus, cutting their sandwiches in silly shapes or going on sunday evening walks.
11. write notes and stick them in their lunchboxes. even when they are too old for lunchboxes, leave it on the bottle of orange gatorade in the fridge.
12. volunteer at their schools.
13. hang up their artwork.
14. buy them the book of their choice; let them learn to love to read.
15. sing them each their own lullabye and say prayers every night.
16. be on their level. play with them on the floor. hold them in my lap. ride roller coasters together.
17. tell them all the reasons why they are special. again and again and again.
18. say i love you. because you can never say it enough. yet refrain from yelling it to them from the car window on the first day of high school.

* * *

these books are on my reference shelf...
i haven't read them all from cover to cover, but i do read some useful stuff in them. and sometimes some not so useful stuff.

* * *

i read the following in a book called Graceful Parenting. they felt right:

Yelling doesn’t work.
You don’t have to yell to get your point across. Don’t yell at your children and don’t yell in front of your children.
Don’t yell at their brothers and sisters, and don’t yell at your husband, wife, relatives or friends. Children copy what they see around them. If you don’t yell, and people around them don’t yell, your children will learn not to yell.
If you feel like yelling, stop for a moment to get control of yourself.
If you need to do this, excuse yourself from any children before you yell.
Yelling is contagious. Once it starts, it gets worse.

Remember not to expect too much from your children
Parents often get frustrated or angry with their children because they expect them to do things they can’t do yet.
Some parents expect children to act like grown-ups, but they’re not. Don’t expect too much from your child. Instead, learn what to expect from your child at each age by reading a book or talking to a professional.
Children are loud, impolite, selfish and demanding. This is normal behaviour for them.
Don’t expect your child to be naturally caring and polite; you have to teach them these behaviours.
No child is born knowing how to act like an adult.

odds and ends - mainly about books, libraries & reading..

i finished reading Paula a couple of weeks ago. very moving - i couldn't imagine having to write about the death of my child - at any age. here Isabel Allende cares for her 29 year old daughter for almost a year before her passing. she writes:

"How simple life is, when all is said and done... In this year of torment, I had gradually been letting go: first I said goodbye to Paula's intelligence, then to her vitality and her company, now, finally I had to part with her body. I had lost everything, and my daughter was leaving me, but the one essential thing remained: love. In the end, all I have left is the love I give her."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

when you are a parent, you realise you would do anything for your child.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** *

my dad surprised me a few weeks ago with a book he picked up at a second hand bookstore. it is called 'Miss Bobbie' by Ethel Turner (Seven Little Australians). this is the inscription on the inside cover: 2nd Prize (Girls) essay on "Patriotism"...

i'd love to have the essay as well! at the bottom of the page is written the date: 23 June 1915. given it was during the "Great War" i can just imagine what the essay was about. it makes me think of all those socks, faithfully knitted for the men at war.

oh, and if i am not careful, i will become addicted to goodreads.com!

baby love

sometimes i am so busy with the demands and developments of a preschooler that i forget about all the milestones of a baby. now when i pick up A, i am taken by her weight. then i realise in only a few weeks she will be one!!

no prizes for guessing what has been consuming my mind lately!!