adieu 2009!

we're on holidays!!

...and a run-down of Christmas:

Christmas Eve jigsaw puzzle

the calendar is yet to turn the page of December and i am already saying goodbye to the year. i lost momentum around late October/early November and feel i have been running backwards in sand since then. the kids kept me going for Christmas and we managed a few batches of cookies cut with Christmas themed cutters. the lights on the Christmas tree excited them each night, and i admit it did look peaceful. i'll tear out the pictures, recipes and craft that most inspired me from the handful of magazines bought this season ~ my prayer is that next year i will have motivation that meets the inspiration! Christmas Day was spent grazing and picking at yummy turkey, ham, pork, vegetabls and gravy. the rain didn't dampen the kids excitement. the day was spent sharing with family and managing what seemed like endless arguments amongst the children! ;) when we were all home and everyone was tucked into bed, silence fell and it truley was golden. i am sure mum and dad felt the same way!
i was spoilt with gift vouchers and shopping sprees. i plan to start work feeling rested (when will it come??) and with a pedicure, manicure and facial.
and i received some gorgeous fabric. i just want to look at it all day!

i have the perfect quilt pattern for it ~ it seems it was designed for the fabric, or the fabric for it. i have been cutting and preparing to sew. the perfect thing to completely wind down...

thinking

it can be a scary thing when you decide to change the things that have defined who you are as a person for a long time. it is strange because i literally woke up one morning last week and decided this is it. will i recognise me? i don't think there will be much that is new - just letting an old me resurface.
i'm glad this has come to me before New Years or i would have thought it was just another unrealistic pipe dream. but it came of its own accord, and i think to stay.
for now though, the night before Christmas, the tiramisu is in the fridge, the turkey stuffing is made, the turkey is waiting to be stuffed and David is in the backyard putting up the kids new trampoline. it is only 11:45pm afterall...

random musings

i watched one of my favourite movies the other day. i love the story, the house, the garden. the furniture and colours are me. and it took me back to when i first saw it at the movies. on my own, between lectures at uni. a time when i was really discovering who i was. i loved history, books and art.

yesterday i was at work from 7am until 5pm. unpacking, dusting, spraying, wiping. filling rubbish bins. we have moved to a new part of the building. thankfully i have a lovely secluded corner, with a window which looks out to small courtyard, and right into the tops of a tree. so i am happy. i began to stick my postcards and pictures to the wall. i did not stick up any picture that was not beautiful or inspiring. so most are pictures of my kids, of David and i in Europe, and of postcards i have collected from various galleries.

it is part of my cleansing and purging. it is a bit scary as i am actively starving myself of so much of what has consumed my mind over past years. as i cleaned, my recycling bin was filling with articles and papers i have had to read over the years for my work, but about things that preoccupy my mind too much. it will be a conscious battle to not fall into that trap next year.

i go to Melbourne for the day tomorrow. a 7am flight - ugly: 8pm, home - tired but on holidays until mid-January!! on our list of holiday things are: yard work! but also the dinosaur museum, the aquarium and Cockington Green for the kids. then the art gallery and a drive to Cooma to go to a specific cafe for David and i.

** in January i will recommence reading my 'one year bible'.

** also on my reading list are the books by Laura Ingalls Wilder.

i have owned three of her books since i was young, but want to read them all. something that will be a breezy read to completely take my mind off all else. the funny thing is seeing me going through all the children's sections of bookstores (it is located in the 9-12 year old section!) looking for the first one, Little House in the Big Woods. i found Little House on the Prairie and it came with a free pendant! i didn't buy that one. :)

it has been a challenging year for me this year but next year is a new chapter for us. Nicholas starts preschool, and time marches on. the only other things on my list for next year (besides filling my mind only with good things) is being conscious of what i put into my body, and hopefully doing a botanical watercolour class. i look back at my 2009 "intentions" and i fell miserably short of them! let next year be new, and fresh!!

i love seeing my kids enjoying themselves. our church family fun day.

time is ticking fast

i think in future if i start feeling the Christmas buzz in October/November, i will do as much as i can. because i will know that by 16 December i will have run out of steam.
i cannot begin to discuss all the changes at work, the expectations of me. well a new year will soon be here and already i have been thinking of changes i will make in my life. they are still forming in my mind, so i won't articulate them yet. only to say that i think i have been able to make the mental break from work. that i can finally resist the temptation to push my career further. it is easier said than done - really. i feel like i have to push my heels down in the earth like brakes. just to be able to get out of the fast lane everyone is travelling. but i am - and i am comfortable with it! maybe that was the issue all along. things were being offered to me at work, and i felt i should take it. because it was a privilege to be thought highly of. because it feels good to know that your skills and knowledge are valued. that your reputation is respected. i know though, that the ordering of priorities required is not for me.
as for Christmas - David and i have pretty much got all the presents we needed to. maybe no Christmas Eve running around this year? i have made a heap of white chocolate rocky road and wished all my colleagues a happy Christmas. i have finished the few handmade gifts i had planned and next comes the biscuit baking - closer to Christmas day i will make some German spice biscuits. hopefully they are ok - nothing like doing something for the fist time the day before you need it!

beginnings of Christmas around here

i am still feeling a little unmotivated (i put it own to end of year exhaustion!) but things are starting to look like Christmas.

i am pulling out recipes from magazines, starting to make some of the gifts,

and writing Christmas cards...

and of course the kids are loving it!

do you take risks?

we told Nicholas he could choose a new decoration for the Chtristmas tree. we have a red and gold theme happening. traditional trimmings. and this is what he chose. two cats in a basket. so we refrained from suggesting anything else and bought his first decoration.

i love looking at people's December daily albums. i wouldn't do one (last thing i need is another project) but i do like finding inspiration for my Christmas album. this album is supposed to have one double page layout each year giving a summary of our Christmas day. so far it has Nicholas' first Christmas, so that would be 2005! i plan to catch up on the other three years, so that this year all will be on schedule.
and there is this great idea - an advent of scriptures. you can download the bookmarks here.
last night, as is often the case, Nicholas came into our bed. truth be told, if i wake up in mornings and he hasn't climbed into bed with us i am a little disappointed as i love suggling up to him. a little after he came into bed he screamed out "mama!" he started crying and said he had a dream (a nightmare). he asked why i couldn't here him calling. it must have been one of those dreams where you are calling out and calling out, and no one hears you. i held him tight, kissed him and said it was ok and he could go back to sleep. he told me if it happens again, i'm to wake him up. :) he is growing up so much. i really am excited about preschool. i will be home to take him on one day, and still have my other day off to be home with him. one last year. David will also take him to preschool on one day, so that will be nice for him to be involved. i know Nicholas will love it. i'll probably be less excited about primary school, where he is gone eveyday for the week. it seems like so much... i have been cutting and sewing pattens for my nephews for Christmas. they are little art wallets - very cute, but my sewing never looks as neat as that in the pictures.
i often think that if i didn't have to work to help pay the mortgage we are blessed with, i'd be home doing all sorts of craft. sewing, scrapping... of course we would have to have lots of money so that we can pay the mortgage and have lots of craft materials!
an old colleague of mine sends me emails now and then. they always ask two questions. are you living in Armidale yet? (where we were contemplating moving to before buying here) and are you working in a gallery yet? (reference to my first degree and what i often wistfully wish i was doing!) she likes to hold me accountable to my dreams.
how do you make decisions like that? as carefree as i would like to think i am, i am very cautous. we didn't move to Armidale - Nicholas had just been born and i wanted to be close to my family. i saw a job advert for a curator a couple of weeks ago, but i am respected in my current workplace and i don't have to prove myself. my part time hours are supported there and the idea of beginning again scares me. and my priority really is Nicholas and Audrey. i see it more and more. so many people i know who work for the government, across the sector, are working hours way beyond what is agreed as standard. expectations of output are getting higher and higher. in the last couple of months i have really had to pull hard to not get caught up in the wave of it. it's funny that to try and live simpler takes a lot of hard work! you have to be on your toes otherwise before you know it you really are racing around in the rat race.

i called an agent once about this house in Armidale

David's uncle has a large property. there is a second house on the property. when he has temporary workers helping a different times in the season, the worker and his family will live there. often in the back of my mind i think that we could do that david used to spend his holidays working out there with his uncle and grandfather. i think how i could take my long service leave and we could go for 6 months. it would be a great experience for the kids - and peace, quiet and stillness for me. it wouldn't be rolling green hills and cows or ducks. it would be dry and dusty with sheep away in the paddocks. but it is still a beautiful Australian landscape.David says we could do it - we wouldn't have to pay rent, and his uncle would only need to pay what we needed for groceries each week. David said he could even do some of his studies at the nearby university. then i quickly talk myself out of it - i hate the heat. there is no airconditioning. i don't drive. then i think - in 20 years time, when my children have left home, will i wish we experienced six months together like that? i hope we do it. maybe in a few years, when the kids are at school, so they can experience waiting by the main road, at the end of a long driveway, for the school bus to collect them! maybe it is easier to dream. meanwhile here is the beginnings of this seasons vegetable garden.

for every bird a nest

Emily Dickinson ~ For Every Bird A Nest

For every Bird a Nest
Wherefore in timid quest
Some little Wren goes seeking round

Wherefore when boughs are free
Households in every tree
Pilgrim be found?

Perhaps a home too high
Ah Aristocracy!
The little Wren desires

Perhaps of twig so fine
Of twine e'en superfine,
Her pride aspires

The Lark is not ashamed
To build upon the ground
Her modest house

Yet who of all the throng
Dancing around the sun
Does so rejoice?

look what we found while walking home from the shop today! a birds nest lying on the ground.

it seemed like such a good find, we just had to bring it home so that Nicholas could show his da. so, in spite of what is obviously not blotches of white paint on one side, we carried it home on the top of the pram. Nicholas lifted it from the ground so carefully.

it is a special find~ twigs, straw and grass so intricately woven that it is a masterpiece.

"Look at the ravens. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to him than any birds!" Luke 12:24

decadance

i feel decadent. Nicholas and Audrey are both asleep - i could bore myself to tears recounting each of their change of sleep patterns over the past four nights. enough to drive me to despair, so why would i want to relive it? David is at the restaurant where he used to do some work, preparing for the men's dinner on Saturday night. i think i have done my quota of housework for the day (a load of washing and cleaned the bathroom) and dinner dishes are done, so i am about to read a blog Mel has shown me. from the beginning. it was just what i needed to kick start the motivation to get some sewing done. and i can listen to the rain falling.

here is the fabric that will become Christmas presents for my nephews and niece. :)


and yes Mel - i LOVE this fabric!

why write?

i love stationery - paper, cards, pens, journals. when i first started this blog, it was for the novelty of being able to journal and add images. i didn’t know how far i would take this. i have always kept diaries of some sort. whether just jotting appointments and thoughts, or wish lists, or reflective journals (including the teenage angst diary). i found that once i had children, time to hand write in a journal was sparse, and although i was reluctant to move away from the handwritten i came to enjoy the immediacy of typing out an entry and posting a photograph or two.
i was talking about journaling with my mum last week and commented that when writing in a tangible journal, i would tend to focus more on what i thought wasn’t right with life, but now that i write on a blog, knowing that this has the potential to be more public, i tend to focus on the joys in life and the positive happenings in my life. although i still aim to be true to my feelings,
i still hesitate when i touch on things of personal conviction, or when venting on bad days at work or my frustrations with my children. by no means do i attempt to portray a life of continual sunshine and skipping through flowered meadows. but i think it is ok to focus on the good. I write about the books, movies or the craft that i enjoy. i write about the dreams that i have -which i know will never be a reality- stay at home mum in a semi-rural place that has a country fair and a delectable bakery. i also write about the mum that i aspire to be, and i despair when i fall so short.
one day i will print these blog entries and file them in a binder and it will be a written record of my life just like the journals stuffed away in drawers.

family fun

i am a bit of a hoarder and i like things complete. therefore a lot of magazines stuffed in cupboards. i like these posts about storing articles, pictures, ideas and other pages from magazines, and took the plunge and tore up a couple of piles of magazines, thereby freeing a whole shelf in my bedroom cupboard! magazines that aren't torn up, but kept as if they were an encyclopedia are various craft magazines and Australian Country Style.

i have lots of ideas for Christmas this year, but little motivation or time... fabric is sitting on our couch and today i'll set the sewing machine up so that i can get a couple of little things made bit by bit.

yesterday was a wonderful family day to celebrate Mitchell's 1st birthday. the youngest of the clan (to date).

post in 3 parts - these are the books i like to read

well, kind of. i have a few "piles" of books beside my bed.
there is the currently reading pile the books that provide some spiritual feasting
and the pile that frustrates me - books started and then not finished because i lost interest, or found something better. i never know whether it is best to persevere (i like to see things wrapped up) or whether i shouldn't worry about spending time reading something just to finish it, or whether i should just move on to something i enjoy...

on the way to the coast we listened to a mix i did of children's songs. one is called 'The books I Like to Read'. the lyrics are fun and i enjoyed listening to Nicholas trying to catch all the titles: where the wild things are (he hasn't read); Tales of Peter Rabbit, the Very Hungry Caterpillar etc etc.