Saturday

This is a sneaky post. I need to write my final essay.  Then it is finished!  My Master of Arts, International Relations.

A bit has changed for me in the last six months.  Mainly I left the job I had been doing for 15 years!  I received a lot of satisfaction from what I was doing, but things had shifted in my work environment and not only did I not want to be left "holding the baby" when things went wrong, as I was starting to fear was just around the corner.  It also meant that I started to look more closely at how I had been spending my time, and what my focus had become and where I was going with my life, which wasn't all bad, but I really felt I should have been prioritising other things...

Now, after a year of probably a lot of doubt and some tension, I confidently say "I have a job, not a  career".  And that is ok.

Even so, just when I feel I am comfortable (even relieved) with my choice, an opportunity came up last week to work in the Senate as a researcher for Senate committees, providing information for various Senate enquiries.  While I had that initial thrill thinking of what this may entail I was rerelieve with how comfortable I felt in saying thankyou, but not now.  I have just come out of a place where I have wrestled against what I see as where the need for my attention and focus is to be. 

My former boss called me today.  He has  won a very prestigious international award in our field of expertise, and he was asked to write a guest list.  He wanted to run it by me and started by saying "of course yourself and David..."  He thinks the ceremony will be at the American Embassy.  

I am grateful for the people that have been brought into my life and the value they have added, the inspiration they have been.

There are so many things flooding my mind, that I think this is again going to be a space that I will  record for the sake of remembering, what is important to me in the now.

But, I am supposed to be writing my final essay, so it will have to wait just one more week!  :)

Saturday

I have very varied interests.  I do not purport to be an expert on anything.  I would be hopeless in a debate.  My opinions are usually based on a gut feeling.  Some controversial topics include climate and refugees.

One of the things that interests me that is less controversial is bees.  I am fascinated by the global bee crisis.  Some months ago I even watched some YouTube clips about it with my kids (lucky them!)  I am interested in the fact that what we do in our landscape has an effect on life around us.  And that the things we take for granted (our food supply) can be effected dramatically.  Catalyst had a program on bees last night.  I am yet to watch it (I may wait and do so with my kids ;))

Here is a lovely picture which explains something simple we can do to encourage bees in our gardens.



Speaking of things to do with climate, I was proud to see this woman from Marshall Islands speak at the UN



There is a special place in my heart for Pacific Islanders. Over the last 15 years, part of my work has been to support and encourage democracy development in the region.  But it has also given me the opportunity to meet wonderful people who become friends and we share in life's journey - the birth of children and the passing of loved ones.  When I heard this woman speak of her baby daughter, I thought of all of the Islanders I have met, and the Islands I have visited.

Just before commencing my maternity leave when expecting Maggie, I was responsible for organising a regional meeting.  I was thrilled with the number of women who attended.  one woman in particular, from Kiribati, spoke to me about expecting a baby.  Asked about my other children.  I asked her about her family.  She four children.  Then she said "I had five.  My baby had a fever and we went to the doctor.  Then we went to the hospital and she died."  Again I was confronted by the reality that in so many places in this world children are dying of preventable illnesses.

After Nicholas was born, I went to an International Women's Day talk given by Kirsty Sword Gusmao.  She spoke of the maternal health situation in Timor Leste, and it was then that I was able to get involved in the Alola Foundation maternity pack program.

Through my work in Papua New Guinea, I became more aware of children's literacy (or the lack of it)and the work of Buk Bilong Pikinini.  Again, I was able to raise awareness in my work place and hold a book drive to support the creation of libraries in PNG.

I am not an expert on much.  But I am grateful for the times that I have followed my heart and I believe I am richer for it.

Saturday

Almost a month since I have posted?? 

Life has been busy, and yet I don't have a whole lot to say.  We seem to spend each week ticking the days off, with David busy with his studies, me back at work, and trying to juggle the kids activities in between, it is easy to see the pages of the calendar flipping over. 

I was looking forward to going back to work - being among more adult conversations.  But at the same time, I am aware it is the beginning of days away from the kids.  Especially Maggie.  But she seems happy to see me when I get home from work, and is full of smiles and cuddles.  David is doing a great job as stay at home dad.

This month we finally had Maggie dedicated at church.  At 10 months old.  I was mindful of the statement we were making in doing so, and in my ever present mother guilt I also thought about the same commitment I made for Nicholas and Audrey.

Maggie had a gorgeous Collette Dinnegan dress to wear, and Audrey wore Leona Edmiston.  :)  very fashionable pair!

I have decided I want to spend the year reading novels by Australian authors.  Well, what remains of the year!

I have just started Alex Miller's Prochownik's Dream. I am also reading Fictional Woman by Tara Moss.

Also on the list is Journey to the Stone Country, also by Alex Miller, Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks (shamefully, this has been on my list for a number of years).  Burial Rites by Hannah Kent, Death of a River Guide by Richard Flannagan. and Eyrie by Tim Winton..

So many books to read.  Never the time!  We'll see where I get to.

Monday

I am making time amongst the chaos of home life to read.  I have started two novels this year and not managed the enthusiasm to fight tiredness and actually get them read.  I was very impressed with Tara Moss on Q&A the other night so bought her book and immediately jumped in.  While I am still only managing to grab a page here or a paragraph there, I am enjoying it very much.  Particularly, I think, as I prepare to, once again, turn our shifting rhythm of life and return to work.  I remind myself as the familiar gnawing begins, I have done this before.  Walking the tight rope of looking forward to getting my head into another space, and feeling sick in the stomach at the thought of being away from my baby for hours on end.

 

I am still breastfeeding Maggie and she still sleeps beside me at night, although last night only from 2am, so is getting better at staying in her cot (I missed her little body beside me).  The thought of someone else doing what until now only I have done could upset me if I let it, but the fact that the next few months will be special time for her with David eases the anxiety.  I look forward to seeing them develop their own routines and the way of doing things. 

How time marches on at its own pace.  Nicholas is growing up- nearly 9.  So true that you blink and they are big.  He scored his first goal and point at AusKick last week (I know nothing about AFL!) and we are so proud of him, but more importantly, for my painfully shy (hard to imagine, but true) boy, it is a delight to see him enjoying the things he does, including piano.

 

And Audrey, who I missed and wanted to hold and hug this morning, when I returned from the school drop off to find she had made her bed, folded her pyjamas and placed her teddy carefully on her bed - all without being asked.  She is growing up and I am sad when I think how much of her toddler years seem a blur as the focus was on her big brother while he started preschool and we had so many "first time" experiences.  But love having our "grownup" girl time together. Always a coffee/hot chocolate and a magazine :)

 

Tuesday

Day one, back at work.  All was good.  Truth be known, I felt a little anxious the night before.  I always do when it is the night before an event - before I travel, first day of school (for my kids)...

My Section had a lunch that day which helped make day #1 extra pleasant.  And now I am home again!

I was really tired yesterday afternoon though.  I actually fell asleep in bed last night with my current read, a few briefing papers from work and listening to this interview.  It seems Kate Morton has another book out and was in Canberra last week doing a reading and book signing.  I am annoyed I keep missing these things...  I went to a previous book signing and we chatted easily.  Her reading tastes are similar to mine.  Kate's new book seems to follow the formula of her other books, but if it works, why not?  Here is another interview (I love her haircut, although I wouldn't do it myself!)

 

I have another book on my wish list which seems similar to The Secret Keeper. Maybe I'll give both a go.

Tonight David has his final presentation at work and then the university semester is over!  I think a cake to celebrate is in order.  The semester becomes quite a taxing time for us all, which makes me worried about how we'll go if I throw myself into the text books again for another year.  We'll see...

Last weekend we went to the coast for a quick one night getaway.  We camped at the beach at a very comfortable caravan park only two hours away.  What I loved (aside form the kids thoroughly enjoying themselves) was a lovely Sunday market, with excuisate fruit and vegetables and a fantastic coffee van.  We'll have to go again.  :)

 

 ...and fruit mince is made for Christmas tarts!  I really need to start thinking about Christmas this year...

Wednesday

Lately I have been feeling a sense of excitement.  A lot of things seem to be taking shape - the thoughts that have been crowding my mind are settling and things are becoming clearer...

Next week I return to work after 8 wonderful weeks of leave.  I am looking forward to throwing myself back into things.  Probably an easy thing to do as the Christmas break will only be five weeks later!

While on leave I was able to do all the tasks I had set myself.  The bathroom is painted (we are up to the exciting part of choosing taps and decorating).  The vegetable garden has been planted and after two mishaps the dogs now (hopefully) cannot get in!

My quilt is (close to being) finished!  Tonight I hope to have the last of the binding completed.  I am SO keen to have a picture of it finished, washed and blowing in the breeze up I'll try and stay up until the last stitch is sewn!  I looked for thread the colour of the binding fabric and found the perfect match in my grandmothers old sewing tin.  I love that!

I've also read two books and have started a third.  I got a couple of other sewing jobs that were lying around unfinished done.  There is more to come though - Christmas sacks being a priority.  I also want to do a new quilt cover (courtesy of an easy Lincraft pattern) for Nicholas' bed.  David will be bringing home some new furniture for Nicholas' room, which we are all excited about and I have found a gorgeous quilt that I'd like to make for the top of his bed.  This time, something with straight stitching, no hand quilting and no embroidery ;)I can't see it happening in a matter of weeks, but I do look forward to browsing for fabric.  I like the colour schemes and fabric choices here, here and here.

This afternoon I'm enjoying tea, a magazine and flowers.  Perfect to calm my mind in preparation for work.  :) 

I was grateful to have the school holidays home with Nicholas and Audrey. One thing that I have realised in various ways is that although they love having me home, given that they are usually at school when I am at work, they do just fine without me. :)  This realisation has probably helped me with some other decisions.

A couple of BIG things that have been brewing in the back of my mind are that I am considering picking up an extra day of work next year, all depending on David's options at his work. I have also decided to finish my studies... the University has said that I can get credit for my Graduate Diploma and then move across into the Master of Arts (International Relations).  A number of things have brought me to my final decision which I might write about soon, but I feel excited about completing this challenge, if not a little nervous about how we will go juggling something else.

*some unrelated photos in this post!

Monday

So we did get to chat!

Sunday

We had a spontaneous camping trip yesterday.  A quick one, just one night.  friends met us at the campsite for dinner and we sat around the fire chatting before they went back home.  The new tent is fantastic - so much room for a 4 man tent!  Lots of fun.

* * * * * * * *
Now I have to go and think about what to wear when I meet the PM tomorrow.  Not that I know if I will actually get to talk to her... there will no doubt be many people there.  And not wanting to blow my own trumpet... after all, I am no John Kennedy!

Thursday

Tuesday

must be back in Canberra....
I had a great time in Darwin the past week with old and new friends from East Timor.  We worked long hours, but also had a little fun, seeing the king of the legend of East Timor. 

 

I was moved when saying my goodbyes to the team I worked with. People who live lives I cannot relate to, who have histories I can only imagine. Their tears at saying goodbye touched me.

 

 

And today back to normality with a preschool excursion to the National Museum of Australia.  The kids had a lesson in memories, and collecting.  The museum was great, and I only fleetingly thought of what might had been.

 

I'm looking forward to Spring and some time off work in the next couple of months...  being  tourist in my own city.  The time I plan to have off includes the next school holidays and I am determined to make them memorable for Nicholas and Audrey.

 



recent events

Soon I'll be back into the swing of things, but I have meant to post about this recent event here.  I am too tired to try and articulate it all now. 

I have had a card with a quote from Aung San Suu Kyi above my desk at work.  Not this one, but it applies equally well:

Even though we don’t know what will happen, we need to carry on as best we can, without wavering, along the correct path. Even though we don’t know what will happen, it is right that we take part in this struggle. Because we believe that it is proper, we have all joined in. If you ask whether we shall achieve democracy, whether there will be general elections, here is what I shall say: Don’t think about whether or not those things will happen. Just continue to do what you believe is right. Later on the fruits of what you do will become apparent on their own. One’s responsibility is to do the right thing.

Aung San Suu Kyi

A colleague was in Myanmar for the by-election... 

The idealistic me a few years back would see it as a leap for democracy.  A huge step for human rights.  The tired me, at the moment, is seeing another example of the way governments work - for their own good, no matter what.  And it has taken up way to much of my headspace this past month.

I stood at the front counter, waiting to settle my account.  We had worked since breakfast, drafting/writing our final report.  It was now dinner time and I decided that, with a 3am start the next morning, it was best to pay before settling in for the night.

I turned and saw a familiar face.  A women from the office, standing with a young girl.  Matilda had come to the hotel to say goodbye.  I hadn't spoken with her much as the team was pulled from one meeting to another, almost becoming a political football ourselves.

She explained she had told her husband she wanted to say goodbye to me.  She bought me a packet of Simbu coffee.  He had told her to write me a note and he would drive her to the hotel so she could leave it for me.  I was grateful that I happened to be at the front desk at just that time.

She handed me the bag of coffee and introduced me to her five year old daughter.  She asked if I would come to the car to meet her husband.  I would be delighted.  As we walked toward the car a man stepped out.  Polite and humble.  I thanked them both.  We said our goodbyes and I stood at the front and waved as they drove out of the hotel.  Again the tug at my heart.  Someone with much less than I have and yet she wanted to share something. 

I am grateful again, that at a time when I mostly feel as though I am simply trying to keep my head above water, God shows me that when all is stripped away all we have is ourselves to give.  And the smallest gesture of kindness can be enough.

* photograph from another trip to PNG.  In 2001.

Home Sweet Home

Back from all of this...

rather work or play?

I am working on some last additions before I send my job application in.  I have the tertiary qualifications, but have been out of the industry for 15 years, so no recent demonstrated experience.  My head hurts from thinking so much and my eyes would give anything to be closed for a while...

Then I can finally finish this...


















And begin this...

happiness

There is a lot happening at the moment, my work is crazy/busy but at least that makes the days go faster.  Soon Nicholas will be finished preschool, and it will be Christmas time.  I have been doing some Christmas shopping over the last month for nephews and the one niece we have, so i need to sit down and actually look at what we have.
I made a Christmas stocking for Nicholas and Audrey, but I love the style of this one, so may have to make one for myself... I wonder if David would appreciate a blue on??
Tomorrow mum and I are going to a book reading.  I am really looking forward to it a book about lost letters, family secrets and history. It should be fun.

There is another book I read while I was at university years ago, about letters, history and secrets. I read it over Christmas/New Year in the mid 1990's and a movie was made of it soon after. David literally went to sleep when we went to see it, but ever since I have always dreamt that this was my office.

Prints, old books, smart work clothes - but not the coffee peculator (a plunger for me). 
My current little corner at work looks a bit like that, filled with postcards, photographs and notes.  But recently I feel I may get to have the real thing working in a museum... a job was advertised doing exactly what I have wanted to do since I was a child.  It is a level higher than what I am currently at and 1/2 a day less than what I currently work.... but I had better not get ahead of myself.  There is an application to write, an interview to get AND to impress at... I know that I have not had active experience in the field for over 10 years but if anything it has inspired me a bit more to be persistent at knocking on doors.

 Things are looking up.

Oh, and on a final note, look what I just came across.  A picture book on Audrey Hepburn!  The illustrations are gorgeous.  It is due to be published in February 2011.  A bit late for my Audrey's birthday, but hey, since when do I stick to reasons to buy gifts? :)

sew inspirational

Over the past few months I have been very conscious not to write about the "blah" things in my life.  Most of them stem from work and probably climaxed this week.  It really showed me that I can't keep going on with the way things are, so I guess if it has brought things to a head, and made me move towards a big decision in my life, then it is a good thing.
What has been good though, is that I have had a burst of inspiration and desire to sew.  I have been busy at night hand quilting.  Meanwhile I have also been cutting squares of various fabric to make Audrey a simple quilt for her bed... I am expecting she will be in her own "big" bed pretty soon.  She now climbs out of her cot and trots down to our bed in the night, her "babies" (teddy, baby giraffe and bunny) with her.  I have been so exhausted sometimes I wake in the night to find her snuggled up beside me fast asleep!  The problem is that around 3am Nicholas is usually on his way down to our bed.  Anyway, I digress...

So I have been hand quilting cutting squares and looking at the list of things to sew that has been around for a while now.

I want to make one of these each for Nicholas' preschool teachers.  I can't believe he is coming to the end of an exciting, lovely and enjoyable preschool year  We could not have asked for better teachers than the two he has had.
For a long  time now I have read the blog Tree Fall.  I have always coveted her Princess and the Pea set.  I love her quilts as well, and one of hers has always been my inspiration for Audrey's bed quilt.  I was thrilled when Melanie lent me her copy of the latest Homespun magazine, because there was an article with Amanda in it AND she generously submitted a pattern for the Princess and the Pea set!!  So, add that one to the list.  There is so much else in the magazine - a gorgeous pair of mice, a beach bag and a baby sampler... I had to buy my own copy.
A couple of friends have recently had babies, so I am taking more inspiration from another favourite blog and making some drawstring bags to fill with goodies. 

last year I bought a pattern for a little bag of dolls - I also want to make it for Audrey. I have a couple of charm packs of some of my favourite fabrics that will be perfect to use.

I am hoping David will have time to make a dolls cradle for Audrey for Christmas, in which case I want to sew up some bedding - similar again to one I saw on Tree Fall...  

Other things I have been enjoying are checking SouleMama for the latest on her house move.  A 200 year old farmhouse?  I can only imagine how exciting that would be.  And I see that Ali Edwards has started preparing for her December Daily album... reminding me that I had planned on doing one page a year

in my Christmas scrapbook....

So when things get a bit rough there is always fabric for some inspiration!

days like these

Today we stayed home.  All day.  It was perfect. I have the week off work this week.  I just decided I needed some space from the office politics.
The first couple of days I found I was still a little tense, but yesterday was getting better.  And today it was like old times.  There wasn't a mound of housework to catch up on.  The kids were playing nicely together and I felt good.  We cooked, we played, we ate morning tea outside.  I will be all refreshed and on a high... and then it will be Monday again.  :)