January 20, 2014
Letter to Maggie
Five months old today. Smiling and always happy. Gorgeous chunky thighs. :) You are reaching for things with more control. You stay awake a bit longer between feeds and are happy to lie on the mat a bit more. Really, I could start feeding you solids now, but I am hesitant to move too quickly. I want to savour these moments a bit longer. You watch me as I move through the room. Sometimes you cry if I am out of sight. I love that, but it makes my heart ache to think that in a couple of months I will have to leave you while I go to work. Best not to dwell on it now. xo
Monday
I am so glad we were able to give Audrey her Monkey Mania party this year. And such a lovely group of girls to celebrate with (and boys to the Enchanted Room)!
January 16, 2014
Thursday
Two things making me feel good today.
Listening to this, loudly.
Reflecting on these words.
"What Is Success"
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;
This is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1803 - 1882
Listening to this, loudly.
Reflecting on these words.
"What Is Success"
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived;
This is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1803 - 1882
January 13, 2014
Monday
2014 hasn't had the 'calm' beginning that I have desired for this year.
The end of a long day, and with a heavy heart and many questions, it is over.
It was lovely to see a number of people from years ago. People who play a part in your life, if only for a season, and then reappear during the hard moments. Yes, life goes on and people get busy, but to come together again at significant events, even a funeral, is special.
What few of us knew - Brett liked to write poetry. Damon read one of his poems that had been published in 2002.
Perfection
Brett Townsend (Ballina NSW)
Is there such a thing, as the perfect person,
If so, what and who would it be.
Would it be male, tall, dark, handsome and rich,
Or female, blond, blue eyed, busty and never a bitch.
Would they be smart, generous, caring and kind,
Willing to help, just to ease your mind.
No matter what combination you care to test,
I guarantee there's bad to offset their best.
Perfection begins within one's self,
Look on the inside, ignore what's on the shelf.
If you can become one with your soul,
Your life will begin its adventurous roll.
And as the world tosses us around, I becomes easier to see,
That perfection truly exists, in you and in me.
Buddha
I can't help but picture Brett sitting with pen and paper and writing. To know that he enjoyed writing.
To also think about how life can change so quickly. One stupid act, and it is gone.
To see aunty Gail, arms on the coffin cry "my baby boy, I love you so much". Yes, tonight I was grateful to kiss and hold my babies and tell them I love them. Even though parenting is hard at times and I get tired I am so thankful they are safe and well and here with me.
The end of a long day, and with a heavy heart and many questions, it is over.
It was lovely to see a number of people from years ago. People who play a part in your life, if only for a season, and then reappear during the hard moments. Yes, life goes on and people get busy, but to come together again at significant events, even a funeral, is special.
What few of us knew - Brett liked to write poetry. Damon read one of his poems that had been published in 2002.
Perfection
Brett Townsend (Ballina NSW)
Is there such a thing, as the perfect person,
If so, what and who would it be.
Would it be male, tall, dark, handsome and rich,
Or female, blond, blue eyed, busty and never a bitch.
Would they be smart, generous, caring and kind,
Willing to help, just to ease your mind.
No matter what combination you care to test,
I guarantee there's bad to offset their best.
Perfection begins within one's self,
Look on the inside, ignore what's on the shelf.
If you can become one with your soul,
Your life will begin its adventurous roll.
And as the world tosses us around, I becomes easier to see,
That perfection truly exists, in you and in me.
Buddha
I can't help but picture Brett sitting with pen and paper and writing. To know that he enjoyed writing.
To also think about how life can change so quickly. One stupid act, and it is gone.
To see aunty Gail, arms on the coffin cry "my baby boy, I love you so much". Yes, tonight I was grateful to kiss and hold my babies and tell them I love them. Even though parenting is hard at times and I get tired I am so thankful they are safe and well and here with me.
January 6, 2014
Monday
All the clichés come to mind. Tell your family you love them. You don't know what is around the corner.
If you think to call someone, or to see them, do it.
You hear of a child drowning, or being hit by a car and you wonder how you would cope if it were your child. I've never thought about adult children though, until I sat with Aunty Gail today as she cried for Brett. She spoke of them calling each other each Sunday.
I fed Maggie and thought of my aunt, feeding him as a baby. I remembered childhood events together. sleepovers at grandparents, model planes made from paddle pop sticks, jeans too big and breakdancing crazes.
Aunty Gail told the detective she had a plot next to her husband at the cemetery. Uncle Craig died of a melanoma when he was 31. Then she said "but I would like to use it for my son. I would like him to be buried next to his father". And she cried.
If you think to call someone, or to see them, do it.
You hear of a child drowning, or being hit by a car and you wonder how you would cope if it were your child. I've never thought about adult children though, until I sat with Aunty Gail today as she cried for Brett. She spoke of them calling each other each Sunday.
I fed Maggie and thought of my aunt, feeding him as a baby. I remembered childhood events together. sleepovers at grandparents, model planes made from paddle pop sticks, jeans too big and breakdancing crazes.
Aunty Gail told the detective she had a plot next to her husband at the cemetery. Uncle Craig died of a melanoma when he was 31. Then she said "but I would like to use it for my son. I would like him to be buried next to his father". And she cried.
January 2, 2014
Another year begins
A new year. With David away for the week I spent my first New Years Eve on my own in a while.
I didn't stay up until midnight. Instead I sent Dave a text at 11 and went to bed. It is strange without Nicholas and David in the house. I think I can understand why old women in nursing homes are fidgety in the afternoons, without children to pick up, dinner to prepare... being out of the usual routine. The time alone with Audrey is lovely though. Tomorrow I will take her to buy her school uniform. Next week she has a couple of sessions at gymnastics. We painted each others nails today. (I opted for a light colour!!)
It is natural to think of new years resolutions at this time. Everything I feel in my bones for this year leads to the desire to have a calm spirit. I know one thing I have determined in my heart to do, which means more to me than anything else. Stop. Yelling.
I want to be more intentional about my parenting. I feel that last year I was constantly swept up in the busyness of "life".
I also need to start going to bed earlier.
I'd like to read three books from my own bookshelf that I haven't taken the time to read yet. Starting with this new one.
Some big things there, but all revolve around the need to be disciplined when it comes to emotions. There is more I could say here, but I'll leave that for another time.
* * *
Maggie will be in her cot in her own room in a couple of weeks. Exciting times.
I didn't stay up until midnight. Instead I sent Dave a text at 11 and went to bed. It is strange without Nicholas and David in the house. I think I can understand why old women in nursing homes are fidgety in the afternoons, without children to pick up, dinner to prepare... being out of the usual routine. The time alone with Audrey is lovely though. Tomorrow I will take her to buy her school uniform. Next week she has a couple of sessions at gymnastics. We painted each others nails today. (I opted for a light colour!!)
It is natural to think of new years resolutions at this time. Everything I feel in my bones for this year leads to the desire to have a calm spirit. I know one thing I have determined in my heart to do, which means more to me than anything else. Stop. Yelling.
I want to be more intentional about my parenting. I feel that last year I was constantly swept up in the busyness of "life".
I also need to start going to bed earlier.
I'd like to read three books from my own bookshelf that I haven't taken the time to read yet. Starting with this new one.
Some big things there, but all revolve around the need to be disciplined when it comes to emotions. There is more I could say here, but I'll leave that for another time.
* * *
Maggie will be in her cot in her own room in a couple of weeks. Exciting times.
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