supposedly i was going to catch up on sleep while David is away. but here i am. again. i seem to get my second wind at 11pm. over the past two nights i have practically finished the stitching on my patchwork blanket. and all but finished season seven of Gilmore Girls! the first line of the Carole King opening song sends me into a whirlwind of sentiment. i watched a couple of seasons at the end of our first year in this house, when i began my maternity leave before Audrey was born. after hearing the song numerous times, Nicholas would come running from wherever he was in the house and say "what Lorelei doing ?" and tonight when he heard the music he brought me a "note" which he read to me. it said "i like this show." i know it was his ploy at staying up a while longer, but i tucked him back into bed.
i can't believe he was 2 1/2 when Audrey was born. she is 2 and 2 months now. Nicholas seemed older... and yet now, i miss him being little.
this afternoon i was able to steal away some time to myself. a few magazines to catch up on - Country Living and some craft magazines. that was refreshing, although it didn't last long. Nicholas and Audrye found my quiet place... :)
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tonight i received an email from an old friend. we did some Amnesty International work together. she is pretty, very smart, a lawyer, speaks fluent Russian... she now lives in Queensland with her husband and 4 children (aged 1-8). she homeschooled her kids, part time for a while. she invests so much in them.
the way i had planned to be... but lately i seem to get frustrated and yell a lot. well, more than i would ever have cared for.
the past couple of days have been great - it is tiring- doing it all on my own, but because i made time with my kids my prority each day, it has been lovely. when i thought about the activites we were going to do i promised myself i wouldn't stress about mess or about not getting other things done.
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Nicholas has been a bit challenging lately - being disobedient, and answering back, yelling etc (makes me cringe at the thought of my yelling at him!) and Audrey is as independent and strong willed as ever. she refuses to eat - as much as i try not to worry and stress, it makes me angry. i spend tim making indiiual tuna ccassarole pots with breadcrumbs, cheese and buter toasted on top. she won't eat it. all the time you spend cooking and preparing food to ahve it pushed away gets frustrating after a few months! what this girl lives on, i don't know.
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a couple of friends who are first time mums have dropped a couple of comments in conversation about what their babies will and will not do (not see any television for their first two years, as studies show they will be more intelligent) i am relieved Nicholas and Audrey's dvds are hidden away in a cupboard. surely Bananas in Pyjamas singing nursery rhymes can't hurt too much?? other things that remind me of all of my good intentions at the births of my children. but maybe compromises have to be made, just to get through the day. i wonder whether i am being pushed gently, to do something new.... it seems every 3 months i go through these moments of frustration and doubt. is it just the cycle of life, or a new path to take on the other side of the door?
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one thing is for sure, being up this late and searching the podcasts in iTunes brings up some great free audio books. lots of Jane Austen. i wonder if i could get away with joining the Jane Austen society, without having read any of her writings and only having seen the tv adaptations or listened to the audio readings...
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now i look at the time and there is just one questioon before bed. do i put on my evening eye cream or my morning eye cream?!
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