this is one of those posts that probably belongs in my private journal, but at the same time it gives a lot of what i write here some perspective.
i've been tossing a few things over in my mind the past couple of weeks and this is the outcome of it all. it is a post in photographs as much as it is in words.
firstly though, is my latest achievement - the painting smock for N. he was asking me to make something for him, and i am not up to coming up with original ideas yet, so it was down to fiddling around with the bib pattern i have been using for A.
anyway, to the d&m of my post...
a couple of days ago i had one of those days when the kids are grumpy and beyond consoling - one sick, the other doing his best "bad boy" impersonation and me at my wits end. one of those days when i wonder who i was kidding i could do this!
as i often read a couple of books at a time, and one usually more than the other, i turned to 'The Mission of Motherhood' for some return to sanity. this is what i read:
"Children do not accidentally become righteous leaders or emotionally healthy and productive adults - any more than seeds thrown randomly to the wind grow to be part of a thriving garden. Simply throwing children into a cultural tornado and hoping for the best gives them little chance of living up to their potential or coming out unharmed. Someone needs to take responsibility for their nurture, protection, nourishment, intellectual development, manners, recreation, personal needs, and spiritual development. Someone needs to commit time and energy in to staying close to them as they grow, encouraging, correcting and teaching."when i read this, i knew what my short fuse was about. my return to work has been smooth on the home front, but not so smooth on the work side of things. before my maternity leave i was managing two international country programs myself - including managing staff and being answerable only to senior department staff. now i am part time, there seems to be reluctance on the behalf of some to give back any decent (for my liking) amount of responsibility. it isn't nice to feel that you are unable to use the knowledge you have gained in a productive sense.
i had just notified senior management that i did not want to travel (unless
absolutely necessary) for the next 12 months . i commented to a woman at my workplace (a very gentle soul) that the opportunity for amazing things in my working life seem so close, but have come at a time in my life when i feel the least able to take advantage of it. she said "there is plenty of time for a career, just enjoy your family now." so others that are travelling and involved more on the "front line" in very challenging and interesting projects may not have heard what she said, but i know what is best for me right now. her words, and the passage from the book i quoted above have helped give me direction and peace of mind.
i am grateful for the opportunities work has given me - i have seen places i otherwise wouldn't have, and met some interesting and inspiring people. hopefully there is more of that to come, but i know when it does, it will be the
right time.
tonight i was going over some photographs of some of the places i have been, people i have met through work...
Fiji
Papua New Guinea
Kakadu
an inspiring woman i met from South Africa (who also spoke to me about the sacrifices she had made for her career, and what she was reaping for it now).
one of my closest Timorese friends, receiving a certificate from Sergio Vieira de Mello.
Thailand
Wales
... but without a doubt here are the best things in my life! (not to mention D, who doesn't feature in my blog much to protect both his privacy and his sanity!!)
