the roller coaster

I haven't been very motivated to post lately. I have been busy. Too busy. My brain feels constantly drained - more responsibility at work that I care for. I dream of going back to my old position at work... then i worry if when (if) I do go back to it, will it be hard for me to accept direction from someone else? Most days I don't think so...
It has been a while since I have had my downhill roller coaster ride. but it came the beginning of this week. I came home late from work on Monday night. David had bathed the kids and they were eating their dinner. They squealed and gave me the "biggest hugs". I cried. Next week I need to be overseas with work and had found out I was returning on the evening of 1 July. My baby's 5th birthday. I know in the grand scheme of things it shouldn't matter, but I wanted to be there in the morning to say happy birthday. To kiss him and hug him tight.
Later that evening I told Nicholas to always remember how much I love him. He said "I will remember it wherever I go". I cried again! To imagine my baby grown up, studying, working, living somewhere else.
But I know that these bumps most often coincide with the times I am exhausted. So I refrained from browsing real estate sites. I won't look for that gorgeous weatherboard home that I just know would make it all ok. I have fabric cut for garments I want to make for Audrey. I have four soft toys I need to make before end August. I have a quilt that needs quilting and a garden that is not growing because our neighbour has an amazing, beautiful gum tree in her backyard that blocks the sun in winter... (but the weeds still grow). I have a birthday cake to make. I want to paint the giraffe on Nicholas' bedroom wall before he is too tall for us to actually measure him by!
I went to work on Wednesday and all my meetings overseas were moved to the same day, so now I can fly home a day early and be right where I want to be on 1 July! That makes my heart leap for joy.