thoughts on being a mother in this crazy life...

be warned. quote heavy, link heavy, thought heavy post ahead.

i have been reading the book The Mission of Motherhood. i am really enjoying it - the author talks about the deep desire women have to devote time and energy to their family as God's call on their life. to me, everything fell into place as soon as i read about the fact the role of "mother" and all it entails is God-ordained and has been since time began. she writes about how the image of "mother" and her role has changed in the last 30-40 years, and that, really, this is what is at odds within a woman's heart - her role as a wife and mother. and before you get this picture in your mind ~

it is not what the author means. :-)
i'll talk about this particular book in greater detail another time.
i read another book when N was born - "Wonder Woman: the myth of having it all" which was given to me by my very astute mother. in it Virginia Haussegger (my favourite ABC news reader) talks about her own experiences of building a career only to find later in life, when it was too late for her, that she had a fertility problem. she laments the fact that our mothers (speaking of a generation) taught their daughters that they could have it all - family, career etc etc. in reality it isn't so, and women today are at odds within themselves as to what their role is.
so, having said all of that, what has been on my mind lately? well, a colleague called me today to confirm my start date for work (thanks for the reminder!). mid-July sure is approaching quickly!
one thing that has been weighing on my heart is that the person who has been taking on my projects while i've been on maternity leave has travelled A LOT for numerous days at a time... international travel no longer has the appeal for me that it once did. i've been toying with the idea for a while that as much as i love my job, a change might be good. so, although not immediately, i think that once i am back at work, i'll start to put the feelers out. i once shared a cab with the second secretary of a department i am interested in. she gave me her business card and told me to call her when i'm ready for a change. maybe i'll polish up my c.v and see where it takes me. (please pray for the right door to be evident!)
another thing on my mind, associated with my return to work, is that each day i say to D - "tonight we'll give A a bottle". then when the time comes i say "tomorrow will probably be a better time!"
part of me actually looks forward to the convenience of a bottle fed baby. but then the mum in me is mindful that this is my last baby, and my last time of experiencing this special bond between a mother and her child. i am reminded of how i cried when N first took a bottle from D. i cried. i read in an anthology of stories about motherhood, how Noni Hazelhurst (of my own Play School days) breastfed her son until he was three years and two months old. ok, so i can't imagine still breastfeeding N, but he was 9 months old when he was weaned out of necessity. i read how, succumbing to outside pressure, Noni Hazelhurst took her son one night and told him there was just enough milk for one more feed. she says "i cried while he contentedly sucked." and i cried reading this, while D thought i was insane! it really is a beautiful article - i'm happy to copy it for anyone who is interested.
while i don't expect my return to work, or weaning, to be as traumatic as i found it with N, i am well aware this is the end of my experiences with babies of this age. but i love the day to day with both my children, and i look forward with excitement to our future together as a family.
so leading on to the day to day, i am really loving this blog. i have ordered Amanda Soule's book - (what is it with the postal services of this world? don't they know i ordered the book two weeks ago and want it now?!!)
anyway, through her website, i found this link. i have subscribed to the newsletters and think they are great - i have fond memories of the many uses of toilet rolls!! and as you can see N and i had a great day playing postmen today. see his hat and postbag, at the postbox?? he took his job very seriously. :-)

i am of the privileged generation who grew up with Noni, Don, Benita and John! i am feeling very earth-mother today. (i should be a 1970's mum!) so a scribbled box is the perfect letterbox to me...
it helps that since dinner tonight, the background noise in my household has been lots of father/son time - cricket, chatting about chickens, baths, hide and seek and not to mention puzzles. so while it is after bed time, it is worth it.

finally, N has been going to a local playgroup for the past 4 or 5 weeks and he loves it. it is held at a pre-school, so has the added benefit of all the school equipment. tomorrow we are visiting one of the kids he has made particular friends with.

i am a working mother, but i am proud to say that while time will sometimes be sparse, i will always know my most important and pleasurable job is the one at home with my two little miracles!!